1. Stop asking me what schools I’m applying to. I know you’re going to mentally judge my academic performance based on my list.
“What schools are you applying to?” I HATE this question. Because as soon as I start to rattle off my schools, I see the calculations in the asker’s head begin as he or she determines what kind of student I am. And those in my situation, you know better than to list your fall–back school first. Because even if your next schools are Ivy League, your listener has already matched your utmost potential to that rank of education. People, do your prejudgment on your own time. Thanks, college.
2. Why does the SAT still exist? No, seriously though
The growing prevalence of the ACT is undeniable. We, students from the Midwest, spend our time preparing for and obsessing over these scores because they are the main source of college analysis. But as BG students begin to apply to East Coast and prestigious universities, we see those four fatal words: SAT Subject Tests recommended. Who has the time for study for more tests? So not only do we have to satisfy this never ending supply of essay prompts and applications, we now have to comprehend a geographically–unfamiliar test because we don’t want our lack of a score to affect our admissions. Thanks, college.
3. Applying early decision increases my chances of getting in by about 16%… but then I probably won’t get as much financial aid. Priorities?
College is expensive. It’s undeniable. So any chance to earn more money, through both in- and out-of-school scholarships, is well-received by students finally hit by the realization of college expenses. But another realization that students are having is the difficulty of admissions. So what’s better? To have a better chance of going to your dream school or to be able to afford it? Thanks, college.
4. When you find the perfect college… Oh wait, it’s in the least convenient location possible.
Is there anything worse than finding out that everything you’ve ever wanted from a college is within your reach… but only figuratively. Literally, its location is the worst news you’ve ever heard. Whether it’s too urban and you want rural or it’s located to the north and cold weather freezes your happiness, it’s enough to make you question your education there… Also, your faith in humanity. Thanks, college.
5. I got a B once… will I get in anywhere?
Anyone not in the process of applying to college right now doesn’t understand this truth. I’m sure if research was invested into the relationship between proximity to application deadlines and deprecation of self–esteem, results would show an extremely strong correlation. Nothing seems like it’s good enough when you’re pitted against your classmates, some superior in grades, others in extracurricular involvement. I wonder how strong the correlation would be between proximity to application deadlines and emotional eating. Thanks, college.
6. When you find the perfect college… Oh wait, it doesn’t have my major.
You love the ranking, the campus, the location, the people: you’re practically bleeding the school colors. But as your research deepens, you stumble upon a horrifying discovery. Remember that major that you finally chose after hours of stress and deliberation? They don’t have it. Did you hear that flush? That was your excitement going down the toilet. Thanks, college.
7. Does my college essay have enough big words in it?
People will tell you that it’s the topic that matters most, and by conveying deep meaning and emotion, the literal words you use aren’t nearly as important. However, writing with intellectual diction will do wonders for an essay, and it can significantly change both its tone and the impression it makes. So what are we supposed to do, raid the thesaurus? Raid our English teacher’s vast expanse of vocabulary? No matter how many big words I use, there’s always the knowledge that I could’ve used them better. Thanks, college.
8. Those people who make up their extracurricular involvement.
All the honest people in the world are universally, disappointedly sighing in agreement at this point. There are students in every school that put down clubs on their applications that they’re not involved in. They make up their extracurriculars and, chances are, the colleges they’re applying to won’t ever know. Basically, all those hours I spent in a club going above and beyond, they were hours hours I could have spent sitting on their couch or doing my homework— reduced to nothing by the simple, dishonest typing on someone else’s keyboard. Thanks, college.
9. You don’t take the Common App? Seriously?
To all the schools out there that were too cool to accept the Common App, because adding a supplementary essay just isn’t unique enough: we hate you. Just kidding, accept us please. But know that you are the reason that sleep is a luxury, and so is sanity. Your individual applications have 99.99% of the same information, there’s no need for us to do it twice, and it is thus a waste of what little time we have. Thanks, college.