As resources become scarce in Southern California, Apple faces challenges accessing the materials necessary to continue the production of their new iPad and Mac lineups. 

The M2 chip requires a small concentration of rosewood for its neural engine, which is becoming a very scarce material in California due to recent wildfires. Siri, an AI program running on the systems neural engine has been upgraded to rely on the new M2 chip.

“Hello theeere!!!!” says Apple CEO Tom Cook in a recent interview, “Unfortunately, our innovative, advanced, revolutionary product management department here in Southern California has reported that a shortage of rosewood due to excessive fires over the last decade may force us to resort to reselling used Android products until the supply can be reestablished”. 

Although Apple has the capability to relocate Siri’s knowledge base to rely on other parts of the computer that do not require the rosewood, we recently interviewed Ben Shlau, President of the the AI development team who told us, “That would require more effort than our team would like to exert, we would rather spend time promoting our products on TikTok, Instagram, and PageFace”. 

Despite the horrific effects this could have on the stock market, and Apple’s reputation, it seems their team does not appear to be concerned about the issue. As Apple continues to face off with Android in terms of technological advancement, their sales continue to go up as the years go on. 

According to a recent demographic released by Apple, over 42% of their consumers are high school, or college aged girls looking to gain fame on booming social media platform, TikTok. A recent trend on the platform shames Android users for their poor sound system and camera quality, comparing the recent cameras to those of Ring doorbells which have gained popularity and become a basic essential to many U.S. homeowners. 

To get one final perspective of the situation, we asked Siri about her perspective on the situation, “Here’s what I found on the web for: How do YOU feel about the shortage of rosewood in California? Because I think it’s bogus.”