In order to shift with the changing tides of the world, the administration has moved all of the books out of the library. The change will be applied in three weeks, with the shelves and the contents inside being moved to the upstairs hallway.

“We realized that books probably didn’t belong in a library,” principal Al Literate said. “The world is changing, and who needs to read anymore anyway?”

The upstairs hallway now features both the recently moved loft furniture and the new bookcases, which allows for a labyrinth-style navigation for students to get to classes. The move was made for added space in the library, which will now be used for more computers and things of value to society, according to Literate. 

“It should be fun, especially with the new go-karts that we use to get around,” junior Pan Satyr said. 

SEE https://bgnmedia.org/2530/aprilfools/bison-karts-provide-students-with-easier-transportation-to-class/ WITH MARK’S STORY ON BISON-KARTS

Surprisingly, an unrelated increase in impact-related incidents has occurred as well, with the nurse’s office being three times as busy as usual around this time of year. There’s no being sure as to why students are running into each other more than usual.

“It’s because there’s no room to move in the hallways anymore,” freshman Froshie Fresh said. “That’s so obvious. You can’t see that?”*

Note that Fresh is a freshman. Take his opinions with a grain of salt. Regardless, with the concussion rate increasing rapidly, parents are calling for the books to be moved back into the library. One parent, Karen Callahan, voiced her concerns at a board meeting.

“Why do we even need books?” Callahan said. “It’s 2020. I read online that they burn at around 451 degrees, and the fieldhouse gets that temperature in the summer anyways. MIght be an easy way to get rid of them and free up space.”