Today’s classroom is built on technology, from our projectors to our iPads. However, recent issues with the internet throughout the district have had the school board reconsidering the merits of technology based learning in today’s society. After consulting with education specialists and blackboard sellers from across the world, the district has decided to get rid of tech in the classroom entirely. Every D214 school will be completely free of wires, cables and electricity.

“I think we may have gone overboard with all of our emphasis on devices,” school board director Ola Skewel said. “Back in my day, we learned without any mePads or Weefee and we did just fine.”

Initially, the school district had planned on changing the system in phases, but later decided that it was better to make a clean break and to get rid of all devices in one fell swoop. Starting April 15, students will be expected to turn in their iPads at the tech help desk, which will become obsolete after everything has been collected.

But iPads aren’t the only technology that will no longer be found in the building. Computers, projectors and elevators will all be removed as well before the end of this school year in order to salvage the rest of the semester without the corrupting nature of technology.

The district has also instituted several changes that will be made at the start of next school year. For example, studies have shown that fluorescent lighting can disrupt sleep schedules, so every light bulb in the school will be replaced with a wax candle. On an unrelated note, the school board also decided to allocate funding to educating school nurses on treating burns from dripping candle wax. 

Other changes include getting rid of all pens and pencils, which will be replaced by quills and ink, and tearing all outlets out of the wall. Additionally, The Charger will now be written on paper, although it will transition to becoming an online newspaper due to budget cuts. In fact, a security guard is currently standing behind me to confiscate my computer as soon as this issue is completed.

“None of these changes sound like a good idea to me,” said junior Keanu Connekt. “But I’m mostly upset that they never even unlocked the App Store.”

Although there are still many unknowns for this new district policy, the school board is hopeful that they can create a positive school environment for everyone. There may be some growing pains, but they believe it will lead to a brighter-but-not-fluorescent- future.

“It’s certainly going to make lesson planning a lot more difficult,” computer science teacher Connie Pewter said, “But at least I won’t have to worry about students playing games on their iPad.